Day 0: Arrival (category: moderately painless)

DALLAS

(NB photo fixes to come. I've discoverd that Apple/s iPad doesn't play nice with Google Picasa. It's almost like the two companies don't co-operate with each other.)

We've arrived into Dallas without drama. There was a moment of peril after landing, when we were passing through customs. Having put my shoes, watch, coins, phone, belt, coat and two packets of Jila mints into the plastic tray before stepping into the micromillimeter-scanner thingy, I still managed to set it off.

A quick pat-down revealed the culprit: a couple of wadded Kleenix tissues. I was chastised for ignoring the instructions to put *everything* into the plastic bins, and sent on my way. Naively I hadn't realised my tissues posed such a dire threat to the security of the United States of America. I imagine my ex-tissues are now in the process of being transported to a secure location, where they will be subjected to extreme interrogation by Homeland Security before being shipped off to Guantanamo Bay.

The flight itself was a breeze. We even slept for half of it, and we love the on-demand movies. Emma watched The Artist, The Sapphires and The Lorax. I went for something far more arthouse and intellectual. An amazing multi-layered critique of post-historicism, the Catholic Church and modern media culture. Ya gotta love The Three Stooges. 

Apart from two periods of forearm numbing turbulence - it's extraordinary how much pressure Emma can apply to my arms after the plane has taken a particularly large jolt - we had a flight free of screaming infants, chair kicking children in the seat behind, or obnoxious 300 kg fellow-passengers trying to push into our share of the tiny battery-hen sized space airlines allow for passengers these days.

Speaking of fellow-passengers, we were seated next to a delightful couple Grant and Jenny from Victoria, near Bairnsdale. He's a vet, she's a character. Great fun.

They were off on on a driving holiday from Dallas to New York, then off to Hong Kong (being on the way home to Melbourne. Sort of. Ish. If you can't read a map...). They're leaving Hong Kong around the time we get there, so we might even be able to catch up with them again.

We're now killing time in Dallas/Fort Worth International. As we have a five hour layover we were looking forward to the airline club facilities. We identified the club our friend's told us about, the Admiral'sT Club (I have no idea how Emma thought this might be "Anderson's Bar" much less "Willy Wonka's" or "Bob's Bar and Grill - but I digress). 

The Admiral's Club is run by American Airlines. I assumed that as Qantas partner airline our passes would be accepted there. I was wrong. Qantas have their own club here, but it doesn't open until 6pm, about four our after landing and 40 minutes before our departure to Vancouver.

We were told the club's hours are set-up to cater for passengers flying out on the one Qantas flight. It seems Qantas' attitude to inbound passengers who have connecting flights is "we've dumped you in Dallas, not our problem". Considering Dallas is a Qantas hub this seems -  inconsiderate. But, in fairness, it's been years since anybody accused Qantas of being customer focused. 

Two hours to go, currently filling up with a quesadilla the size of a small farm, ice tea, and beer. 

Aaaaand...

I just realised I've lost my $200 Shure sound-isolating earbuds on the plane. Unsurprisingly there's nobody from Qantas here to talk with to see if they've made it to lost and found.

Emma commented, "Qantas made a big deal out of Dallas being their new hub. Nobody in Dallas to know anything about it."

Being ever clever, resourceful, and tired of my whining, Emma pointed out that there was an audio shop at the airport. So I picked up a new set of earbuds.

VANCOUVER

An even less eventful flight in a half-empty plane. I didn't know they let planes fly without 112% capacity and three people strapped to the fuselage.

Vancouver Airport remains one of our favourite airports. I love the way they have this mini-museum effect when you walk in from the plane.

The only downer was the airport seems to close at 10pm, and we were one of three flights that arrived at the same time. So the handful of remaining customs officers had to cope with hundreds haggard foreigners from Frankfurt, Hong Kong and Dallas. Remarkably good humoured despite what must have been a long day for them.

Finally getting to the Bayshore Westin was a relief. We were tired, but not buzzing-headache-give-me-a-room-before-I-kill you tired. The view is fantastic. They were even thoughtful enough to put a cruise ship in port to remind us of our trip ahead.